Goodbye

Suggested Audio: Skinny Love by Birdy
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TuhYxKid6Lw

Some nights I can’t help but wonder, do you think of me? Do you miss me? Are you ok? Do you have a new love? Do they love you like I did? I know that is not possible. No one could ever love you like I did. Some days I have malice in my heart. I hope that you are now realizing that I loved you better than anyone ever could.

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But most days I hope you are happy. I always told you I wished nothing but happiness for you. Even if it wasn’t me who gave it to you. I meant it. I do hope you are happy. I hope you love someone. I hope they love you in return. I hope they give you all that I did. And whatever it was that I couldn’t. Its just those long nights when I wonder what exactly it was that you needed that I couldn’t give. Or didn’t have.

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Those are the ones. The nights I hope you are cold. And missing me. And needing someone. All you had to do was tell me. Talk to me. You did the opposite. You shut down. Shut me out. Gave up on me. On us. The one thing you swore you would never do. Why? For what? Or who? Why weren’t we important enough for you to fight for anymore? Why did you decide you didn’t want to be my best friend anymore? Didn’t want to be my heart, my love? You didn’t want to be my everything anymore. You always wanted to be my everything. My angel. My one and only.

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What changed? My love for you grew every day. I told you so. Daily. Right up until the end. Even after I knew yours was gone. After I knew your heart was cold to me. I had forgiven you for everything. Put it all behind me. Then you just stopped. Stopped caring. Stopped wanting. Stopped needing. Stopped fighting. Stopped loving.

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All the while, like a fool, I kept on. I miss you. I admit it. I still love you. I admit that, too. I always will. Til my last breath. We will be a hard, if not impossible act to follow. So many nights spent laughing, crying, cuddling, bonding so deeply, on so many levels. I knew everything about you. You knew everything about me. We could have a whole conversation without speaking. Just a look could say it all. Where did it all go? And why?

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Tonight I am torn. Part of me hopes you are happy. Loved. In love. But there is that part of me. The one that hopes you are lonely. Like me. Wanting to cuddle with someone. Look into someone’s eyes. Feel that warmth that we had. That flame that should’ve burned forever, but is now nothing more than a pile of ash.

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And so, with this, I say goodbye. To you. To our love. To our memory. Goodbye. And good luck. I truly hope you find what you are looking for.

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8 comments on “Goodbye”

  1. Oh sissy!! So heartbreakingly beautiful. I felt everything with you!! Thank you for pouring your heart out and sharing! You are such an awesome women and mother, I love you fiercely!! *hugs* #ProudofmySister

  2. Been there, done that. Resonates loudly with me. Awesome work.

  3. Know that one intimately sis *hugs* love you

  4. *deep breath* I think this might well be a shared emotion Sister Mine. I’ve been there too, stayed long after Love had gone. I understand. I feel you. Thank you for sharing with us. Love you. Xx

    • Its a difficult realization to come to. That its done. Time to go. Nothing left. *shrugs* His loss. Cuz I found you guys. *hugs* Love you back sis!! XO


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