New Life pt 3

Christmas came and went, and New Years. My stepmom found a couple used Stephen King books for Christmas, so those were the beginning of the new collection. I also searched pawn shops for more books and for movies. If there is one thing i love besides my Stephen King collection, (just not as much), its my dvd collection. So I passed my time reading, watching movies with my dog, and hanging around facebook. I only had one friend in town, and she had just had a baby. Not much time for hanging out. I have mentioned my dad, well, he was my rock during that time. My best friend. Whenever i needed to talk, he was there. He had his own construction business at the time, so he pretty much made his own schedule. He also let me work with him to make some money, when he had a job i could help with. So i could pretty much talk to him ANY time i needed. And he ALWAYS listened. And ALWAYS gave the very best advice, or just a hug and i love you Punkin, if that’s what i needed. And believe this…he ALWAYS knew the difference. Still does. In the room next to my living room in the basement was my dads recording studio. He would come down most nights for an hour or two, at least, and either listen to his expansive album and cd collection, or go into the sound room and pick up a guitar. When he did the latter, i would go sit at the control board, put on his headphones, slide the volume control up, close my eyes, kick back in his chair, and just go away. Nothing can take me away from what’s dragging me down than listening to my daddy play his guitar. He warms up with a few random favorites of his, but I’m waiting. I know its coming, and he knows I’m waiting. Just when i start to think he forgot…. nope, there it is. Stairway to Heaven. Led Zepplin. But in my non(EXTREMELY)biased opinion, a bazzzillion times better. Chills run all over me, he knows i love it, and sees me smiling like hell through the window, even though my eyes are still closed. They won’t open now. I’m gone. Off to a place where nothing hurts. It only lasts as long as he keeps the song going but somehow most times i can hang on to that feeling for a while after its done. So there it was. The first thing i had found that would make me smile when i thought i wouldn’t. Thought i couldn’t. Should’ve known. In case you haven’t noticed…I LOVE MY DADDY 🙂 He’s the fuckin best. I can always be myself and say what i feel when I’m around him. And the same goes for him. I am a daddys girl for sure, and damn proud of it! Ok, back on track. I had found a few things to take my mind off missing him, off the huge gaping hole in my heart and in my world. My youngest daughter daily, my older 3 kids (who are also my strength) every other weekend, my dog, books, movies, facebook, and now daddys music. Things were beginning to look a little brighter. As time went on, i learned not so much to deal with it as to block it all out. The thoughts tried to creep in daily. Where is he now? What’s he doing? Is he ok? Does he miss me too, or has he moved on? Valentines day came, also my stepmoms birthday, so there was a party. FUCKING GREAT!!! The ONE night i just want to sit in the basement with Dixie and let it all in so i can try to let it all go, and not only do i have to get off my depressed ass and dress myself up nice, i have to go upstairs and WHAT???? SMILE??? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND????? Its a good thing the kid is gone for the night, cuz I’m gonna need a LOT of alcohol for this……. So the party went off without a hitch, for the most part. There were the random moments between couples, kissing, giggling, those looks exchanged, when all i wanted to do was barf. Or throw my drink at them. You know, GET A FUCKING ROOM ALREADY!!!!!! Finally i found an appropriate moment to excuse myself, most folks were already down for the count, (no driving home from this one) *shakes head vigorously* went back to my ‘dungeon’ (it was actually REALLY nice) and filled the jacuzzi with the hottest water i could stand, and just let the night go. I had made it through the first 3 months so far, and the long-dreaded so called most romantic day of the year *gags* *laughs out loud* and i waited for whatever came next……

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One comment on “New Life pt 3”

  1. Your Dad sounds amazing! And the first while is the hardest but it doesn’t mean it’s not hard after, so I expect there’s more to read. *hugs* ❤


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